Twenty Two

A year ago, I wrote you a letter. It was more like a list really but it had an address and that was you. We were to open it together today but by February, I was too tired. It said stupid things and I’m glad I tore it up and you never got the chance to read it.

You came quick this time though. I was not expecting you. I closed my eyes nostalgically to wish for yesterday and opened them to find you were here. You did not give me enough time to gather all the pieces together before you showed up. As I had promised you (in that stupid letter) I wanted to be perfect when you came, because you deserve nothing but perfect. But it has been such a hollow year that I can still hear the echoes of my breaking promises as they go down the black hole that has been my life. The one I was to fill.

Anyways, enough of all that sad shit. What have you brought me this time? I hate to ask because I am no vessel to receive the purity of promise and dreams of tomorrow that you undoubtedly hold in your bag but I am just a man. A desperate man. I am clutching to breaking straws in a raging flood trying to save myself, fighting with half the soul of a dying man. I can only perceive light now, and you, my dear are a burning ball of sun. Didn’t I already say enough of this sad shit?
Okay. Here’s what I want from you.

I want resurgence. I know I said that I was not dead already but I’d rather be dead than dying. I want you to put your palms by my chest and I want you to feel that fading beat. I want you to feel the way it speaks to your hands, calling out for salvation. Then, I want you to reach deep within your future, our future and beat a stronger beat into my fading beats. Draw from the light of where you come from and help me live again.

I want you to stay. I want you to stay a little longer this time. I do not want to open my eyes and find you gone, again. Don’t ask me not to close my eyes, because how else am I going to appreciate what a splendor you are? I want you to walk with me and when halfway through this coming year I am in freefall again, fall with me. Do not flee, do not let me die by myself.

I am sorry. You come with hope and here I am, an armor of despair. I see damnation where you have walked and felt prosperity. But that is why we are made to do this together, side by side. A voice of reason and faith, alongside the whispers of doom and irrational morbidness. I shall be the moon to our earth because there cannot be two suns, and I’m barely a baby star anyway. Plus, god knows I was made for the nights.

And maybe by the time we are done, a little of you will reflect in my eyes and people will say, “Damn, didn’t that guy look twenty two!”

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