Do you ever just want to fade away. Not die..no. Just soar to someplace above humanity where nothing exists but a cleaner, non feeling version of yourself?
A place where you don’t even feel the slightest of urges like scratching an itchy thigh or an involuntary sneeze.. and you don’t have to think or feel anymore. You do not bother your mind with imaginings of illogical things or burden it with thoughts of how not to be so..alive.
You won’t feel anything anymore. Even the cries of a shattering heart will not be a merciful echo somewhere in your dull brain. All the years of disappointments and never belonging will be shed from you like a cloak of dust. Regrets and mistakes will be dropped back to earth and left to make miserable of another poor soul.
Just as tragic as it is liberating, you won’t be able to feel the good things either. You will not feel the electric rush of a lover’s touch or a soft delight of their lips on yours. You will not savour the reach aroma of crushing coffee beans in the cold mornings where mist was a silent understanding companion.
Laughter, smiles..the sounds of happiness. Orgasms. Contentment. None of these.
But it is all okay..because you will not
know that deep longing of missing something, or someone.