I don’t know what really happens when two stars collide. For a supposed science buff, that’s a bit of an embarrassment. I do not know either, what happens when one blackhole meets another. I may be too lazy to find out or just maybe, I don’t wanna know. For the longest time possible, I’ve known I’m some sort of blackhole. Not because I suck people in and never let go but because light simply became a foreign concept to me. I do not know why, but I sure do know when. But that’s not anything I wanna talk about.
Then I met you. And I thought you were a blackhole too. I thought I could read the signs in you that I hid in me. God knows I’m a terrible judge of character but I swear you were so much like me, I thought I was looking into some sort of mirror.
I couldn’t see your eyes,I couldn’t read your lips, I couldn’t touch your hair, I couldn’t notice your shudders. I couldn’t hear your cries or wish away your tears. But I could feel your pain. Or maybe I hurt so much, I thought it was for both of us. I don’t know. But I could feel your need. And when you went away, echoes of nostalgia filled your absence. And I went away too, just to see if you would feel the same. You say you did. And I believed it too.
I don’t know your past nor could I notice your baggage. People see whatever they want to see in others, and all I saw was perfect. A perfect that roamed freely in you and around you like it was peacefully at home. And I thought, maybe, if I let you in, I could get some of that for me too. For surely, you deserved so much more than this. I’d rob you, or steal from you, but just for you. It makes no sense and people never change, but I think I did. At least I tried to.
Then you were no longer the blackhole I thought you were. You were a ball full of sunshine in the middle of a cold, dark world. And when I couldn’t be sunshine too, I fled. Because I couldn’t bear to suck you in too, like I thought I most certainly would. But you chased after me and made it impossible to leave. I don’t know why you did, you were much better on your own, just as I was. But you still did.
And now, just when I thought light and darkness could co-exist in the same realm of happiness and bliss, you cut off all the ropes that tied me to you. I told you it didn’t matter if you died, all we had was today. I don’t know if you lied, for you’d said “Okay” with a radiant smile I could feel. And just when I’d let myself go, orbiting around your sun, held set by your strong gravity, you let everything go.
And once again, I was floating around in the fully empty universe just another blackhole with a sad story and stinking of self pity.
So, for all the blackholes out there, do not fool yourselves, sunshine and you don’t mix. Don’t co-exist and never will. And neither do two blackholes. That would just be a vicious cycle of errors and self inflicted torment. So you’re pretty much all alone.
Don’t listen to me though.